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Relationship & Families

Counsellors, Couples and Conflict

Conflict is part of any interpersonal relationship and occurs as a result of differences in opinions. People differ in values, dreams, desires and perceptions. Therefore, we are all bound to encounter conflict at some point in our lives (Long & Young, 2007). Conflict can range from less serious mild disagreements to more intensely heated arguments. […]

Parenting Styles in Counselling

Many parents who have come to the counselling session are prepared to speak with the counsellor to gain some insight into an issue or problem. But some parents do not understand why they need to be involved in the counselling sessions, and others know why, but do not want to be involved. Silent Some parents […]

Languages of Love

Gary Chapman (1995) in his benchmark book ‘The Five Languages of Love’, gives us a detailed look at how we may differ from our partner in the way we like to be shown that we are loved. Your love language probably differs from your spouse’s. Each of us speaks and understands one that makes it […]

The Meaning of Intimacy

Intimacy is a journey – it is not a tangible thing. It takes place over time, is ever-changing and is not stagnant. In fact, any kind of stagnation in a relationship kills intimacy. Intimacy can also take many forms. One form of intimacy is cognitive or intellectual intimacy where two people exchange thoughts, share ideas […]

What is Mediation?

“Mediation” is a means of resolving disputes between two or more parties who possess a genuine desire to achieve a mutually satisfying outcome. The counsellor in the process acts as the “mediator” by assisting the disputing parties to focus on a mutual problem, discuss possible solutions and agree upon a solution. Mediation is confidential, however […]

Counselling Case Study: Using REBT

Thomas is a 33 year old married man, who has recently become a father. He explains that he feels his self-esteem has been gradually deteriorating ever since he was married. He says that he can’t find reasons to enjoy life with his wife due to feelings of inadequacy as a husband. In his new role […]

Building Relationships with Step Children

One of the most common reasons for not-so-good step-family relationships is lack of communication. It is important to include the children in family processes such as formulating rules and new rituals. This is a great start! The next thing to do is to encourage communication. Talking is the best way to strengthen relationships, understand emotions […]

Discipline with Step Children

As a step-parent, sooner or later you will be reminded by your step-child that you are not their parent. One very important item to discuss between your partner and yourself is “who disciplines who?” In coming to a decision on discipline it is helpful to look at nuclear families who equally share this role. In […]

An Introduction to Ego States

Eric Berne, the pioneer of transactional analysis, made complex interpersonal transactions understandable when he recognised that the human personality is made up of three “ego states”. Each ego state is an entire system of thoughts, feelings, and behaviours from which we interact with one another. Parent, Adult and Child ego states and an interaction between […]