With infidelity come consequences. Many people are impacted. If we were to step outside and look in for a moment, we may be able to see just how many people are affected.

Firstly there is the betrayer. He/she has learnt to be an actor in order to not be suspected. After being found out, feelings of shame, guilt, despair and confusion are evident. In most cases, the betrayer is forced into making a quick decision between two relationships. With that choice come huge impacts for the betrayer, including many of the losses described by the person betrayed.

Sometimes the power and control is immediately reversed in the relationship and the betrayer is denied choices. He/she finds themselves being punished by sleeping on the couch or not having access to the children.

The lover sometimes wins and sometimes loses. 50% of romantic affairs end in divorce or separation with 25% of romantic affairs resulting in marriage to the lover. 75% of these marriages end in divorce. This means that quite often, the lover often loses out, and quite often suffers in silence because the relationship was hidden or undisclosed in the first place.

If there are children involved, their young lives are instantly changed resulting in emotional and behavioural reactions. It is rare for the children not to become involved either indirectly or directly and in the case of subsequent separation, it is the beginning of a totally new lifestyle and environment for the child to encounter.

Lastly, there is the person who has been betrayed. The betrayed usually experiences several stages, which are called the stages of grieving. The process can take anything from several weeks to several years. In the next post we’ll look at these stages.