Counselling Dilemma: Accidental Death of a Client
You had been counselling your client Renee for approximately two years and in that time had developed a very strong counselling relationship. Renee was a highly motivated client who worked very hard to overcome the challenges in her life. Renee had missed a session during the week and you were quite concerned because this was out of character for her as she had always notified you in the past if she was unable to keep her appointment.
As you read today’s newspaper headlines you see that there had been a terrible car accident that had claimed Renee’s life. You are deeply shocked and saddened by the news and would dearly love to attend her funeral service.
Do you think that you should attend? What issues will you need to consider?
My initial response is to attend the funeral out or respect for Renee and the relationship we have built up over the past two years. However, I am forced to reconsider this decision in giving the matter much more thought.
I have not met Renee?s family
Will I be asked how I knew Renee?
Here lies my dilemma: I do not know if her family is aware that Renee has been coming to counselling for the past two years. Perhaps this knowledge may not cause them any concern, but I do not know this, and given the circumstances of her death, and the trauma which her family will be experiencing, I do not wish to add any further burden to this.
So I decide, on this basis, that I will not attend the funeral, but rather say my goodbyes to Renee privately. This way the confidentiality of the counselling relationship remains in tact.
Since I?ve treated Renee for two years and gotten to know her well, I would attend her funeral out of respect for her and for purposes of closure. Closure is an important element in human relationships and in our conscience and allows us to put the memory of a person to rest in a proper place in our hearts and minds. We need to say goodbye in an appropriate way so that we can move on with our lives and not leave ?unfinished business? behind, as per Fritz Perls, Gestalt therapist.
Having decided to go, I would be mindful of the issue of confidentiality even after her death. I would have to assume that she did not confide in family members and that no one was, or is, aware of my role in her life. In that sense, I would need to remain anonymous and in the background. I would attend any church or chapel service unobtrusively and then leave. I would not attend her burial nor go to the wake for obvious reasons.
I would also refrain from sending flowers. Even an anonymous gesture would raise question in the minds of the family. However, if I were known to her immediate family, I would send flowers as a form of respect. I would also attend the funeral service but still in the background.
Distant acquaintances and even strangers often attend funerals and no one asks questions. My own attendance would pass without notice and make me feel better. Just in case Renee happened to be watching from some place, I?m sure she would appreciate what I had done.
Ultimately, I guess attendance depends on how we perceive funerals per se. Irrespective of the ethics of this case, if I couldn?t personally handle funerals, I wouldn?t go.
With a client, such as Renee, with whom I had developed a long-standing therapeutic relationship, I would not hesitate in attending her funeral. When we loose a long-term client and in such tragic circumstances, we too grieve. As counsellors we need to work through our grief. Part of the process can be attending the funeral.
I would stay in the background and pay my respects. If the family were unaware of Renee?s involvement with a counsellor, I would respect this by not disclosing my relationship with Renee to the family (if questioned). If the family were aware that Renee was seeing me, I would maintain confidentiality by not discussing any issues from our sessions. There are many reasons people attend funerals and, as counsellors, we must be sure of ours. Funerals are an opportunity to say good bye and for closure.
Thank you Eugene …you provided a good balance in your assessment. While the human condition requires closure, the client’s rights (even in death) need to be respected.