1. Accept your sadness and be kind to yourself. Do not put undue pressure on yourself. Take time off from work if necessary. During this mourning period, learn to accept that this person was put in your path for you both to learn and grow and remember the good things and value them. Buy books or attend workshops that support the idea of letting go and feeling good about yourself. Seek grief counselling if that feels right.
  2. Formalise a farewell to end the relationship. When someone dies we have formal funerals but when a loved one leaves we have no such comforting ritual. If you can, let go of things that remind you of what is no more. Letting go of the material goods helps to let go of the memory. Don’t be tempted to keep souvenirs and pore over them — it will only make the memory want linger on.
  3. Treat and indulge yourself. All the books and experts tell you that indulging yourself from time to time is good for you — but it is particularly good to do when you are feeling emotionally unstable or vulnerable. Food might be the first treat that comes to mind, but be moderate — indulging in food may make you feel worse later. Allow your body to tell you what to eat. Think of the type of exercise you would most love to do and start doing it. Buy some aromatic bath oil, light loads of candles and soak in a warm bath for as long as you need as often as you need or read a great uplifting book.
  4. Ask yourself each day what you have to be grateful for. It is very healing to give thanks for all that is good and wonderful in our lives — a roof over your head, a job or friends and family that love you allows you to focus on what is possible and not on what is no longer.
  5. Make a list of all the things that are great about you and tell yourself those things. Say to yourself: “What I like about me is: …” Make a list of all the qualities a new partner will get when they come into your life and reread and add to them whenever you think of something else.
  6. Go on a personal development workshop that will boost your positive self image. You’ll also meet new people who are also trying to improve their lives and they are more likely to have positive attitudes.
  7. Surround yourself with people who give you hope rather than who drag you back into the past or drag you down. Avoid people who pat you on the back and say stuff like ‘oh how awful’ and seek out people who say things like ‘so, what’s next — what wonderful people are out there for you to meet’.

And when you are looking back at yourself from having got over it, what would you tell yourself from there in the future that you have learned. Make it something worthwhile!