Even if you have a desire to create a healing environment, you or the others in the environment may be unable to do so because of an inability to forgive and forget or an unwillingness to accept personal responsibility or to accept the consequences for one’s actions. An unwillingness to admit to personal mistakes, failures, faults, or errors can create misunderstandings, arguments and often feelings of anger or helplessness.

An inability to let go of anger and hostility over past hurts and pain creates an atmosphere of fear of backsliding, of being hurt again, of being taken advantage of and/or losing more in the long run. An inability to understand the need for forgiveness and forgetting, or being unwilling to do so, creates confusion over what is going on and causes inability to see the changes taking place.

It may also include:

  • A lack of creative thinking skills to deal with the problems, looking at each issue objectively
  • An unwillingness to accept apologies and the admission of wrongdoing by others
  • A stubborn holding to the idea that “my way of doing things and no other way will do”
  • Name calling, belittling, ignoring, condemning and harassing of others
  • A lack of belief in the other’s generosity, good will, and offers of cooperation;
  • A lack of trust
  • Severe depression or other mental health problems so debilitating that participation in a healthy give and take is impossible
  • An inability to accept that your relationship is not a fantasy and is not the way you think it “should” be
  • A lack of belief in one’s ability to meet the challenge to change and grow ear of taking a risk or of accepting change
  • Fear of failure or fear of success preferring to be a martyr rather than a healer, a caretaker rather than a nurturer
  • A lack of communications skills, i.e., inability to:
    — Listen to feelings
    — Respond to others at a feelings level
    — Read the nonverbal communications of others
    — Solve problems verbally