Types of Affairs

Knowing the type of infidelity sometimes makes understanding it a little easier. Was it a one night stand or a long term affair? Was it due to mid life crisis or an act of retaliation? Is there a sexual addiction or did he/she want the marriage to end?

There are several types of affairs which include:

1. The curiosity affair – where one is bored and curious about the excitement of having an external relationship.
2. The unintended affair – a simultaneous attraction occurs in an environment outside the relationship.
3. The compulsive affair – often initiated by one with a risk taking and adventurous personality.
4. The retaliative affair – is motivated by revenge and serves the purpose of equalising the wrongs. But do two wrongs equal a right?
5. The split self affair – this happens when the needs of others are put before those of oneself, and the deprivation catches up. Usually a long term affair because decisions are avoided.
6. The distance regulator – the relationship is usually over but tolerated for reasons which may include the children and security.
7. Out the door affair – an “excuse” for leaving the relationship. This occurs when the relationship is over for the betrayer but wants a quick way out. Often clues are left for a quick discovery.
8. Empty nest affairs – where couples have lived their lives around the children and have found that the empty nest is too empty and lonely.
9. Sexual addiction – when the couple’s sexual drive is not equalised and the betrayer goes in search of sexual satisfaction outside the relationship.
10. Intimacy avoiders – being intimate with someone outside the relationship helps retain distance from your partner. It is a means to staying absent.
11. Conflict avoidance – an affair to control and diffuse anger, and avoid arguments and difference of opinion.

3 Responses to “Types of Affairs”

Author comments are in a darker gray color for you to easily identify the posts author in the comments

1. Editor says:

   August 20, 2007 at 4:32 pm

   Do you know any other types of affairs? Post your comments!

   Reply
2. Helen Pokorny says:

   August 28, 2007 at 6:06 pm

   One reason not mentioned refers to sexual identity, ie the need to explore/ resolve issues relating to one’s non standard sexuality, or to maintain a non-standard sexual identity while maintaining a conventional heterosexual relationship. Eleanor Roosevelt springs to mind as an example. She maintained a long term same-sex relationship while maintaining a very public, conventional marriage. Men too who identify as heterosexual, but who nevertheless have casual sexual encounters/ affairs with other men. Perhaps these loosely fit into No 5 , the Split Self Affair, but I think the issue of sexual identity is sufficiently important to warrant its own category.

   Reply
3. janey says:

   April 4, 2008 at 8:35 pm

   An affair which my husband had was through text messaging only. No meetings, no sex, just obscene messages.

   Reply