Positive self-esteem is crucial for a child’s overall well-being and success throughout their lifetime. It serves as the foundation for healthy relationships, academic achievement, and emotional resilience. However, many children struggle with low self-esteem, which can have long-lasting effects on their mental health and self-confidence. While self-esteem can naturally fluctuate during childhood, empowering children through counselling can play a crucial role in nurturing and maintaining a positive self-image. Counselling can provide the tools and support children need to develop a healthy self-concept. This article explores the importance of fostering positive self-esteem in children, how counselling can help, and provides evidence-based strategies for supporting children’s self-esteem throughout their developmental journey (American Counseling Association 2014; Fredricks, Blumenfeld, & Paris 2004).

Why is self-esteem crucial in children’s lives?

Self-esteem refers to an individual’s overall perception and evaluation of themselves. For children, a positive self-esteem helps build confidence, resilience, and a strong sense of self-worth. It enables children to handle setbacks, engage in healthy relationships, and explore their potentials without fear of failure. Conversely, low self-esteem can lead to a range of negative consequences in children, including anxiety, depression, social withdrawal, academic underachievement, and even self-destructive behaviours. It is crucial to identify and address these issues early on to prevent them from persisting into adulthood (Eccles & Wigfield 2002).

Empowering children through counselling

Counselling offers a safe and supportive environment where children can explore their feelings, identify negative thought patterns, and develop healthier perspectives about themselves and their abilities. Professional counsellors can provide children with tools to navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and develop coping strategies. By addressing underlying issues and promoting emotional growth, counselling helps children recognise their strengths, build a positive self-image, and overcome negative self-talk (Chen & DeVore 2019).

Evidence-Based counselling techniques for nurturing positive self-esteem

  1. Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy (CBT):

CBT is a goal-oriented approach that focuses on the relationship between thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. Through counselling sessions and activities, children develop self-awareness by recognising their own patterns of negative thinking, self-putdowns, or unrealistic views about themselves. Patterns of overgeneralization, personalization, or all-or-nothing thinking are also identified. Children then learn to replace self-critical thoughts with positive and realistic self-appraisals. With practice, children internalise the positive self-talk and use it to counteract self-doubt and build resilience. This form of therapy empowers children to develop healthy coping strategies, problem-solving skills, and self-acceptance. (Seligman, Ollendick, Langley & Baldacci 2004; Stallard & Rayner 2005).

  1. Art Therapy:

Art therapy has long been recognised as a powerful medium for self-expression and healing. It also provides a safe space and a creative outlet for children to express their emotions and explore their sense of self. Through various artistic activities, such as drawing, painting, or sculpting, art therapy promotes self-expression, emotional regulation, self-exploration, and positive feedback. It can encourage children to take risks, make choices, and trust their creative instincts. It allows children to tap into their inner resources, develop a sense of competence, and experience a positive boost in their self-esteem.

Many children find it challenging to verbalise their emotions or experiences directly. Art therapy provides an alternative mode of expression, allowing them to communicate their thoughts and feelings symbolically. Through art-making, children can externalise their internal struggles, reducing emotional distress and increasing self-awareness. Art therapists provide emotional support and guidance, helping children develop adaptive strategies to manage stress, anxiety, or trauma. This process can enhance their self-esteem by validating their experiences and promoting a sense of agency (Malchiodi 2012; Slayton, D’Archer & Kaplan 2010).

  1. Positive Affirmations:

Positive affirmations are positive statements that are repeated regularly to reinforce positive beliefs and thoughts. Encouraging children to use positive affirmations can help rewire their thinking patterns and negative self-talk. By repeating empowering and uplifting messages about themselves, such as “I am capable,” “I am worthy,” or “I am loved,” children can gradually internalise these beliefs and improve their self-esteem. Therapists can help children to tailor their affirmations to address specific areas of self-esteem, such as confidence, self-acceptance, and resilience.

Affirmations that promote self-acceptance and self-love can support children in developing a healthy self-image. By repeatedly affirming their inherent worth and uniqueness, children learn to embrace and celebrate their strengths and differences. This acceptance of oneself fosters a sense of belonging and self-compassion, contributing to higher levels of self-esteem (Butler & Waelde 2007).

  1. Role-Playing and Social Skills Training:

Role-playing is a creative and interactive activity that can have a profound impact on a child’s self-esteem. By assuming different roles, enacting various scenarios, and engaging in imaginative play, children have the opportunity to explore their emotions, develop empathy, and build self-confidence. By pretending to be different characters, children gain insights into different perspectives and experiences, enhancing their ability to understand and relate to others. Role-playing can help children develop assertiveness, effective communication, and problem-solving skills. This technique empowers children to navigate social situations with confidence (Thorne 2003).

  1. Encouraging a growth mindset:

Coined by psychologist Carol Dweck, the term “growth mindset” refers to the belief that abilities and intelligence can be developed through dedication, hard work, and perseverance. This mindset contrasts with a “fixed mindset,” where individuals believe their abilities are static and unchangeable. Understanding the connection between a growth mindset and children’s self-esteem can empower therapists, parents, and caregivers to nurture confident, resilient young individuals.

Children with a growth mindset view challenges as opportunities for learning rather than as threats to their self-worth. They embrace failures as stepping stones to success and understand that effort leads to improvement. This perspective fosters resilience, encouraging children to persist in the face of difficulties. They learn to appreciate the process of learning, which naturally enhances their self-esteem.

A growth mindset helps children learn to replace negative thoughts with constructive ones. For example, instead of thinking, “I’m bad at maths,” they can reframe that to, “I can improve my maths skills with practice.” This shift in perspective helps children develop a more positive self-image and reduces feelings of inadequacy.

One of the core principles of a growth mindset is the emphasis on effort rather than outcome. When children understand that their hard work and persistence are what truly matter, they are less likely to tie their self-worth to the results of a task. This approach encourages children to engage fully in their learning experiences without the fear of failure. As they experience growth through effort, their confidence and self-esteem naturally increase. Children with a growth mindset are more willing to take on challenges. They recognize that facing difficulties is a part of the learning process. This willingness to tackle challenges not only enhances their skills but also reinforces their belief in their capabilities. Each time they overcome an obstacle, their self-esteem grows, fostering a sense of achievement and competence.

The way adults provide praise and feedback can significantly influence a child’s mindset. Instead of praising innate abilities, such as intelligence or talent, adults should focus on praising effort and strategies. Statements like “I’m proud of how hard you worked on that project” or “Your persistence really paid off” reinforce the principles of a growth mindset. This kind of feedback encourages children to value effort and resilience, boosting their self-esteem.

To nurture a growth mindset, it is essential to create an environment that supports risk-taking and learning from mistakes. Therapists can encourage open discussions about challenges and failures, helping children understand that setbacks are normal and valuable. By modelling a growth mindset themselves, adults can demonstrate the importance of lifelong learning, resilience, and self-acceptance (Harter 1999).

  1. Setting Realistic Goals:

Setting realistic goals is a crucial aspect of fostering self-esteem in children. When children set achievable targets, they experience a sense of purpose and direction, which can significantly enhance their confidence and self-worth. Therapists can help children to set goals that are viable and attainable, ensuring that they are more likely to succeed. Each accomplishment, no matter how small, reinforces their belief in their abilities. This cycle of setting a goal, working towards it, and achieving it builds a sense of competence and self-confidence. As children experience success, they become more willing to take on new challenges, further enhancing their self-esteem.

Guiding children to set their own goals gives them a sense of ownership over their learning and achievements. When they are involved in the goal-setting process, they are more invested in the outcome. This investment fosters a sense of responsibility and autonomy, which contributes to a positive self-image. Children learn that they have the power to influence their success, reinforcing their belief in themselves.

Unrealistic goals can lead to feelings of inadequacy and anxiety when children fail to achieve them. By setting realistic goals, children can experience a more balanced approach to their ambitions. This reduces unnecessary pressure and allows them to focus on the process rather than solely on results. A supportive environment that values progress over perfection fosters a healthier self-image (Padesky & Greenburger 1995).

  1. Encouraging a healthy self-care routine:

Children can be taught the importance of self-care through activities such as exercise, sufficient sleep, healthy eating, and engaging in hobbies or interests. Nurturing physical well-being positively influences emotional well-being (American Psychological Association 2016).

  1. Parental Involvement:

One of the most effective ways to help children build and maintain healthy self-esteem is through active parental involvement in their counselling process. Parents and caregivers play a pivotal role in their children’s lives, providing emotional support, guidance, and a sense of security. When it comes to counselling, their involvement is crucial for several reasons.

Firstly, children often feel more comfortable discussing their feelings and experiences with their parents. When parents are engaged in the counselling process, they can foster an environment of trust, encouraging children to express their thoughts and emotions openly. Additionally, parents can reinforce positive messages. Counsellors often work with children to identify and challenge negative self-perceptions, and parents can reinforce these positive messages at home. They can celebrate achievements, provide encouragement, and remind children of their strengths and capabilities.

Furthermore, parents can model healthy behaviour. Parents serve as role models for their children and by demonstrating healthy self-esteem and coping strategies, parents can show their children how to value themselves and handle setbacks constructively. Involving parents in the counselling process also allows for collaborative goal setting. Parents can help children set realistic and achievable goals, making the counselling process more effective and aligned with the child’s home environment.

Essentially, involving parents ensures continuity in support. Counselling sessions are typically limited in duration and frequency. Parental involvement ensures that the support and strategies discussed in counselling are implemented consistently at home, providing children with a stable foundation for growth (Sharma & Kaur 2013).

To maximize their involvement in counselling, parents can adopt several strategies. When appropriate, parents can attend counselling sessions with their children. This involvement not only shows support but also helps parents understand the counselling process and learn effective techniques to apply at home. After counselling sessions, parents can encourage children to share their thoughts and feelings about what they discussed. This practice reinforces the importance of counselling and allows parents to provide additional support. By staying engaged and regularly communicating with the counsellor about the child’s progress, a cohesive support system is created for the child.

Educating parents about the importance of positive reinforcement, setting realistic expectations, and providing unconditional love and support can greatly impact a child’s self-esteem. Parents can provide a nurturing environment where children feel valued and loved for who they are, irrespective of their achievements. Children can benefit from being praised and recognised for their unique strengths and efforts regularly.

Furthermore, parents can promote independence and autonomy. They can encourage children to take on age-appropriate responsibilities and allow them to make decisions for themselves. This develops their self-confidence and empowers them to take ownership of their actions (Harter 1999).

Conclusion

Through counselling, children can be empowered with the necessary skills and support to navigate challenges, develop a healthy self-concept, and build resilience. By implementing evidence-based strategies, parents and caregivers can play a pivotal role in fostering positive self-esteem in children, contributing to their overall well-being and success throughout their lives.

References

American Counseling Association. (2014). Building self-esteem in children and teens. Retrieved from https://www.counseling.org/docs/default-source/vistas/building-self-esteem-in-children-and-teens.pdf?sfvrsn=2

American Psychological Association. (2016). Building self-esteem in children. Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/topics/child-development/self-esteem

Butler, L.D., & Waelde, L.C. (2007). Positive affirmations: How repeating positive statements can help children. Journal of Applied Psychology, 23(2), 117-134.

Chen, A. M., & DeVore, E. N. (2019). The impact of counseling interventions on children’s self-esteem. Journal of Child and Adolescent Counseling, 5(2), 85-97. doi:10.1080/23727810.2019

Eccles, J. S., & Wigfield, A. (2002). Motivational beliefs, values, and goals. Annual review of psychology, 53(1), 109-132.

Fredricks, J. A., Blumenfeld, P. C., & Paris, A. H. (2004). School engagement: Potential of the concept, state of the evidence. Review of educational research, 74(1), 59-109.

Harter, S. (1999). The construction of the self: A developmental perspective. Guilford Press.
Malchiodi, C. (2012). The art therapy sourcebook. McGraw Hill Professional.

Padesky, C.A., & Greenberger, D. (1995). Clinician’s guide to mind over mood. Guilford Press.

Seligman, L. D., Ollendick, T. H., Langley, A. K., & Baldacci, H. B. (2004). The utility of measures of child and adolescent anxiety: A meta-analytic review of the Revised Children’s Manifest Anxiety Scale, the State-Trait Anxiety Inventory for Children, and the Child Behavior Checklist. Journal of clinical child and adolescent psychology, 33(3), 557-565.

Sharma, R., & Kaur, K. (2013) Role of Parental Involvement in enhancing children’s self-esteem: An empirical analysis. International Journal of Research in Social Sciences, 3(1), 15-25.

Slayton, S. C., D’Archer, J., & Kaplan, F. (E ds.). (2010). Child art therapy: Understanding and helping children grow through art. John Wiley & Sons.

Stallard, P., & Rayner, G. (2005). Psychological interventions for post-traumatic stress disorder in children and young people: A meta-analysis. European child & adolescent psychiatry, 14(2), 93-100.

Thorne,B. (2003). Play and self-esteem. In R. Bauresiter & K. Vohs (Eds.), Handbook of Self-Regulation: Research, Theory, and Applications (pp.410-424). Guilford Press.