Hello everyone! It’s been an exciting year here at AIPC and it’s always great to look back over the year and see all that has been achieved during the year.

Possibly one of our most important achievements during 2009 has been obtaining approval in August as a Higher Education Provider. This means that AIPC Bachelor of Counselling students are able to pay their degree subject fees through the Fee Help system. Fee Help is a loan scheme that assists eligible fee-paying students to pay their tuition fees. The Australian Government pays the amount of the tuition (subject) fee to the Institute and the student then repays the loan through the Australian taxation system once their annual income is at a minimum amount. 

While the Institute always keeps our course and subject fees as affordable as possible, approval as a Higher Education Provider is very important for AIPC students because it means degree-level education is a more affordable option for students studying at the undergraduate level. 

For those Diploma students who like to study online, we are adding some video lectures on key Diploma topics to the AIPC Online Resource Centre. The initial lectures will be available from January and I’m sure students will find these a valuable supplement to their written course materials and other online educational tools that are available on the website. We will gradually add further topics during 2010 and by the end of the year there will be 18 video lectures available.

I would like to thank all of our dedicated staff whom work so tirelessly to ensure our students enjoy a fulfilling learning experience during their studies. Each one of AIPC’s Education Advisers, Lecturers, Private Assessors, Tutors, Markers, Course Developers and Administrative staff play an integral role in the intricate educational process and enjoy contributing to the progress of our students.

There are also a number of our staff whom have reached ten years working with AIPC during 2009 or will reach this milestone in early 2010.  Adelaide students will know Carol Moore very well, our Adelaide Branch Manager and Lecturer. Carol initially began as a Lecturer in Adelaide in August 1999 and then in 2001, took over the Branch Manager’s role. 

Anda Davies, an education staff member at Head Office, commenced as an Assessor in 1999 and in 2000 joined the Head Office as a Project Officer. Since then, she has held a variety of capacities with AIPC. She is currently a Marker for the Diploma of Professional Counselling and a Lecturer for the Bachelor of Counselling.

Harry Davis, AIPC’s Accountant, began with AIPC in April 2000.  Not only is Harry one of AIPC’s longest serving staff members, he is also AIPC’s oldest staff member (I’m sure he won’t mind me mentioning this!). He is a wonderful testament to how age does not mean you need to slow down or retire and I hope he remains with us for some years to come.

I would like to personally thank each of these staff members for their significant and valuable contributions over the last 10 years. They are important representatives of the AIPC spirit and constantly display loyalty and commitment in their roles.

Congratulations also to all AIPC graduates whom have finished your course this year! Graduating from your course is a wonderful achievement and testimony to the time and effort you have dedicated to your studies. Myself, and quite a number of AIPC staff, have also been furthering our own knowledge this year through various courses and further education, so we know the organisation and commitment that is required to fit your studies into your busy schedules.  Finishing your course is the culmination of your efforts and the beginning of an exciting new career of Counsellor!

Finally, from everyone here at the Institute, I wish you and your families a safe and festive Christmas and New Year. We look forward to catching up with you all in 2010!

Best wishes for a Merry Xmas,

Sandra Poletto
Chief Executive Officer

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Gary Chapman (1995) in his benchmark book ‘The Five Languages of Love’, gives us a detailed look at how we may differ from our partner in the way we like to be shown that we are loved.

Your love language probably differs from your spouse’s. Each of us speaks and understands one that makes it easy for us to feel loved. If you try to communicate using only your native language, it may be foreign to your husband or wife. To be understood, you need to know - and speak - your spouse’s language. Which is it?

Words of Affirmation: verbal expressions of appreciation, compliment, praise, and thanks, conveyed for the well-being of the one you love. Such communication demonstrates: encouragement - it inspires and motivates (not pressures) another to pursue a latent interest or achieve personal potential; kindness - it encompasses loving tones and truthful statements to build intimacy, express understanding, share difficult feelings, or show forgiveness; and humility - it requests instead of demands, asks instead of nags.

Quality Time: focused, undivided and uninterrupted attention, despite busyness and business. It is demonstrated in: togetherness - not just proximity, but the simple emotional connection and enjoyment of being with each other; meaningful conversation - sympathetic (not just solution-oriented) dialogue and active listening to share feelings, thoughts, and desires in a friendly uninterrupted context; and shared activities - doing things together that interest one or both of you just in order to create a unique experience and mutual memory.

Receiving Gifts: tokens or symbols of affection, caring, remembrance, and thoughtfulness. They may be tangible gifts - little (or big) presents that you’ve found, made, or purchased, given either at a special time or for no specific occasion; or gifts of self - your physical presence in important moments or times of crisis.

Acts of Service: happily doing things you know your spouse would like you to do or helping your mate with tasks that need to be done. Examples might include keeping the house clean, putting the toilet seat down, ironing, changing diapers, cleaning the garage, cooking or going out for dinner, or attending a symphony performance. Such acts require thought, time, planning, and effort. They are done in love - not fear, guilt, resentment, or duty - and may go against social or family stereotypes.

Physical Touch: communication of your love through the body’s nerve endings, with sensitivity to what methods, circumstances, and timing your spouse finds pleasant. It includes hugs, kisses, hand holding, back rubs, sitting close, hair stroking, and, of course, regular sexual intercourse. It also encompasses long, empathetic embraces and tender touches of understanding when your spouse is in tears or times of crisis.

Remember, love is a choice that often involves sacrifice. But you’ll deepen the intimacy in your marriage if you learn your spouse’s love language and speak it regularly.

Things to Remember

1. Sharing your deepest thoughts and emotions with someone you love can be one of the most rewarding aspects of a relationship.
2. Be aware of the need to explore ways to share intimacy without sex.
3. Intimacy in a relationship doesn’t just happen. It is built up over time.
4. Abuse or violence in a relationship destroys trust and intimacy and signals that the relationship is in trouble.

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Intimacy is a journey - it is not a tangible thing. It takes place over time, is ever-changing and is not stagnant. In fact, any kind of stagnation in a relationship kills intimacy.

Intimacy can also take many forms. One form of intimacy is cognitive or intellectual intimacy where two people exchange thoughts, share ideas and enjoy similarities and differences between their opinions. If they can do this in anopen and comfortable way, they can become quite intimate in an intellectual area.

A second form of intimacy is experiential intimacy where people get together to actively involve themselves with each other in mutual activities. This can range from a couple to a group of many people and doesn’t always involve talking or sharing but may just include activities - for example, a group of women all working together on a quilt.

A third form of intimacy is emotional intimacy where two persons can comfortably share their feelings with each other or when they empathise with the feelings of the other person, really trying to understand and trying to be aware of the other person’s emotional side.

A fourth form of intimacy is sexual intimacy. This is the stereotypical definition of intimacy that most people are familiar with. However, this form of intimacy includes a broad range of sensuous activity and is much more than just sexual intercourse. It is any form of sensual expression with each other. Therefore, intimacy can be many things for different people at different times.

Intimacy with another person can be seen as the:  

1. Unmasking of yourself in order to make yourself vulnerable in a trusting, loving, secure relationship.
2. Sense that you have a special, unique, and distinct bond joining you and another person.
3. Sense of closeness and proximity or oneness and unity.
4. Sharing of tenderness, caring, and affection.
5. Sharing of secrets, hidden feelings, and private thoughts.
6. Free will offering and receiving of each other.
7. Sense of being in a non-punitive, non-abusive and non-manipulative environment.
8. Mutual respect, recognition, and approval of each other’s need to be a sexual being. In a marital relationship this shared sexuality ultimately results in loving sexual intercourse.

10 Indicators of Intimacy in a Relationship

1. Continuous, honest communication and contact with one another exists even if the contact is not in person but is by phone, email, or some other form.
2. A mutual task to carry out is willingly shared, discussed, and enjoyed together.
3. An affinity or attraction to one another exists to the exclusion of others.
4. The company of one another is sought even when you both have a wide selection of other individuals from which to choose.
5. A sixth sense or other extra sensory facility develops with which you can communicate at a non-verbal level, with no need for words to clutter or detract from the communication.
6. A sense of humour or sense of play and casualness develops in which you enjoy “give and take” and are relaxed in each other’s company.
7. A protective sense of privacy and guardedness about your relationship exists; it is not subjected to public scrutiny, criticism, or judgment.
8. The relationship is a productive enterprise resulting in mutual satisfaction, reward, and reinforcement for each other.
9. The relationship has a purpose, direction, and order to it that is reasonable, realistic, and healthy for both of you.
10. A firm commitment, agreement, or contract exists with each other to be mutually supportive, understanding, and accepting of one another.

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Historically, researchers have argued that complicated grief is an expression of a major depressive disorder or an anxiety-based disorder that has been triggered by a specific loss.

More recently, researchers have concluded that grief symptoms only partially overlap with symptoms of depression and other DSM-IV-TR categories, such as anxiety and post traumatic stress disorder, and that although there may be some expected shared variance, complicated grief reactions do display sufficiently unique variance to warrant separate consideration (Kristjanson, Lobb, Aoun & Monterosso, 2006).

Absent Grief is characterised by the bereaved acting as though nothing has happened. The bereaved show no feelings of grief or mourning and become detached from reality as if the death never occurred. Emotional numbness is common with this form of grief. Maladaptive behaviour is also common but often the bereaved is unable to associate such maladaptive behaviours with the loss experienced. 

Delayed grief may result from pressing responsibilities (e.g. funeral arrangements) that the mourner needs to attend to, resulting in postponed grief that may last for years. An experience of grief may eventually be triggered by another loss or an event related to the original loss.

Inhibited grief involves inhibition of the normal behaviours that are associated with grief. Those who do not allow themselves to experience the pain of grief directly may develop some kind of somatic complaints or illness. It is common in this form of grief for the mourner to choose mourning some aspect of the deceased and not the other.

For example: the positive aspects and not the negative ones. Like absent grief, this form of grief also encompasses maladaptive behaviour that the bereaved will usually be unaware of or not attribute it to their grief response.

Conflicted grief involves an exaggeration of one or more behaviours commonly displayed in normal grief while other aspects of the grief is suppressed. This form of grief is often characterized by extreme anger and guilt. Exaggerated anxiety manifested in panic attacks is also common.  Substance abuse problems may also arise or existing problems may be exacerbated. The conflicted grief pattern can become quite prolonged and is normally associated with dependent or ambivalent attachment to the deceased.

Chronic grief involves the mourner exhibiting intense grief reactions that are common in the early stages of grief but continue long after the loss has occurred. There is little or no progress and mourning fails to come to any conclusion. The bereaved seems to keep the deceased alive with their mourning. This form of grief is maintained by feelings of insecurity and insecure attachment to the deceased.

The bereaved feels that they have sustained a loss of an irreplaceable relationship. With regard to this type of grief, the therapist needs to identify those aspects of grief that are not resolved and intervention would then need to focus on the resolution of this (Williamson & Shneidman, 1995; Freeman, 2005; Worden 2005).

Unanticipated grief like the name suggests, is grief that results from unexpected sudden death. This form of grief is said to be disruptive to the bereaved and will often involve a complicated recovery. This form of grief entails great difficulty in accepting the loss that is accompanied by overwhelming feelings.

The adaptive capabilities of the bereaved can be seriously damaged in the context of an unexpected and sudden death, resulting in their inability to function normally in any area of their life. Although the grieving person can intellectually recognize the death, they will often have great difficulty in accepting the loss due to it being so sudden and so unexpected. In this situation grief symptoms will tend to continue on much longer than normal grief reactions.

Abbreviated grief is typically a short lived but normal form of grief. This is often mistaken for unresolved grief. The grief process is shortened or abbreviated commonly because the attachment figure or lost person is immediately replaced (e.g. remarrying immediately after the spouse dies) or there has been little or no attachment to the deceased.

At times abbreviated grief occurs due to anticipatory grief whereby an individual embarks on the grieving process prior to the actual loss occurring. This results in a much shorter grief after the actual death.

The problem with abbreviated grief is that the bereaved may show very little sense of discomfort as negative feelings can be blocked away by denying themselves the opportunity to experience normal grieving process at the time of loss. This type of grief can manifest in the future.

In every form of complicated grief, the bereaved tries to deny or avoid aspects of the loss and the full realisation of what the loss means to them. The tendency to hold on to and avoid giving up the loved one is also a common factor in complicated grief.

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General adaptation syndrome describes the body’s short-term and long-term reaction to stress. Originally described by Hans De Solye in the 1920s, the general adaptation syndrome describes a three stage reaction to stress covering our initial reaction to the stressor, our resistance and adaptation to coping with the stressor and our eventual exhaustion after dealing with the stress whereby in normal circumstances we will recover from that exhaustion and live to deal with stressors another day.

Alarm Reaction Phase

During the alarm reaction phase, a stressor disturbs homeostasis. Homeostasis is a point of balance or internal biological equilibrium. The brain subconsciously perceives the stressor and prepares the body either to fight or to run away, a response sometimes called the fight or flight response. When the mind perceives a stressor, the cerebral cortex, is called to attention. If the cerebral cortex consciously or unconsciously perceives a threat, it triggers an autonomic nervous system response that prepares the body for action.

The autonomic nervous system is the portion of the central nervous system that regulates bodily functions that we do not normally consciously control. When we are stressed, the rate of all these bodily functions increases dramatically to give us the physical strength to protect ourselves against an attack, or to mobilize internal forces.

In addition to this, the hypothalamus, a section of the brain, functions as the control centre and determines the overall reaction to stressors. When the hypothalamus perceives that extra energy is needed to fight a stressor, it stimulates the adrenal glands to release the hormone epinephrine, also called adrenaline. Epinephrine causes more blood to be pumped with each beat of the heart, dilates the air sacs in the lungs to increase oxygen intake, increases the breathing rate, stimulates the liver to release more glucose, and dilates the pupils to improve visual sensitivity.

The body is then poised to act immediately. Other physical responses to stress during this stage include “butterflies” in the stomach, an elevation in blood pressure, dry mouth and tensing of muscles. In some instances if too intense or if for too long the individual may find it difficult to concentrate on preparing well to deal with the stress properly.

The alarm reaction directs resources away from the digestive and immune systems to more immediate muscular and emotional needs. In normal circumstances the alarm reaction phase will not last for very long, in some instances it may only be for a few seconds, in other instances longer. The alarm reaction phase is only meant to be a preliminary phase of activating the body and mind into dealing effectively with the presenting stressor or threat.

Resistance (adaptation) Phase

As we move from the initial alarm reaction phase, as a preparatory response to the presenting stressor, we then move onto the resistance or adaptation phase. It is in this phase where the body is now actively dealing with the stressor. If this adaptation phase continues for a prolonged period of time without periods of relaxation and rest to counterbalance the stress response and allow time for the body to replenish and repair from the exertion required to execute the appropriate stress response, sufferers become prone to fatigue, concentration lapses, irritability and lethargy as the effort to sustain arousal slides into negative stress.

At the most fundamental level of response the organism is going to be either fighting or fleeing in some way, in an attempt to resist the negatively perceived consequences of the threatening stressor. This resistance may be required for either, a few moments, days, months and sometimes even years. The form of resistance employed will have varying degrees of success depending on how well it is employed and how relevant it is in dealing with the stressor situation.

Regardless of the length of time, once the threatening stressor has been dealt with effectively the organism is able to return to its pre-activated state and recover from the ordeal. It is in the process of recovery that adaptation occurs.

Every organism has restricted resources to adapt to stressors. Therefore, whenever someone has to adapt to a stressor they will loose “adaptation energy” meaning that they will have less resources to adapt next time they are confronted with a stressor unless they adapt successfully.

Successful adaptation from resistance is when the body and mind adapts to a point of being more capable in its capacity to resist if ever confronted by the stressor again. In this sense, successful adaptation means the organism has increased its biopsychosocial level of fitness whereby it can take on the same threat more effectively next time or successfully take on a bigger threat next time.

It is through this process of adaptation that we learn how to cope better and deal with things more effectively. At a physiological level successful adaptation actually means getting physically fitter. Psychosocially it means having greater levels of resilience, working better coping strategies and having more appropriate emotions and thought processes around the challenging situation. 

Problems occur at the resistance/adaptation phase if the combined biological, psychological and social responses employed do not deal with the threat effectively or if the threat is chronic whereby it eventually wears down the capacity of the organism to resist the threat or deal with it properly. This problem leads us to the exhaustion phase of the general adaptation syndrome.

Exhaustion Phase

A person can only fight or flee for so long before they begin to wear down in their capacity to resist and deal with it. If the stressor environment is chronic and excessive without any real opportunity to recover or adapt successfully, the organism will begin to show signs of adaptation failure. Systems begin to break down and we become more susceptible to a range of biopsychosocial symptoms.  If we persist in functioning at this level, death can occur.

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