If you believe that your child is a victim of bullying, you are most probably experiencing two reactions. Firstly, outrage, coupled with other emotions such as confusion and guilt. Secondly, this may raise memories of your own experiences with bullying - either as being bullied, as the bully or as a bystander. 

It is absolutely natural if you are experiencing these memories and feelings. However, it is better to acknowledge them and use them to your benefit, rather then letting your feelings filter through onto your child and their need for support. If your reaction is to seek justice for your child, you are not alone.

However you need to think about what this will accomplish… not really much at all!

DO NOT:

Storm into school demanding action
Confront the child/children who are bulling your child
Confront the child/children’s parents who are bulling your child

These actions will not change your child’s situation. Instead it will take attention away from the problem and place the attention onto you. It may also fuel the situation further. You may be seen as aggressive and you may be banned from the school premises. In the worst case scenario the school may feel the need to contact the police. 

Understanding the School’s Response

Only you, as the parent can determine whether the school responses are satisfactory.

The following questions can help to evaluate whether the school is being proactive against bullying towards your child.

1. Did the school take your issues seriously?
2. Was some investigation carried out?
3. Are there any strategies being put into action to help reduce the incidents of bullying for your child?
4. Is there a school bullying policy which outlines boundaries etc?
5. Does the school wish to talk to you in the near future or at least maintain an open line of communication?

Lee (2004) has developed an overview for parents to determine at what stage schools have developed in relation to anti-bullying policies. School responses about bullying and any policies they have in place may be able to be classified into one or a combination of the following 4 stages:

Stage 1 Denial 

1. There is a policy somewhere, written by someone, sometime ago
2. Bullying is not a problem in this school, but is viewed as a natural part of the growing process
3. Little can or should be done about it
4. If it were to be a concern for us it is important that we keep the issue ‘in house’
5. Being open about our anti-bullying approach would imply it is a problem and could be bad publicity for the school

Stage 2 Token 

1. There is a policy, written by a nominated person following a professional development day
2. It is occasionally waved in front of parents and inspectors
3. Few people know what is says, but many rest secure that bullying has been discussed
4. One ‘expert’ is identified as dealing with the issue and they were the creative force behind the written policy

Stage 3 Moving 

1. The issue is taken seriously and there is a regular review of the policy which incorporates advice and support for pupils, parents and staff
2. Staff share effective practice and materials that they have found useful
3. Preventative practices are in place
4. Ways of dealing with it that are known by adults and pupils in the school

Stage 4 Motoring

1. The school has clear policy and practices that all know, helped to create and feel ownership of
2. It self-monitors by gathering data about the experience of key players, including parents. All acknowledge that there is bullying beyond the school, nonetheless, staff and pupils combat it in school by constantly adapting, revisiting and experimenting
3. There is recognition of the importance of involving a wider community and of the value of sharing effective practice with parents and other significant parties
4. Preventing bullying forms part of a programme that focuses on involving and empowering  pupils in playing a positive role in school and making wise choices throughout their lives
5. Pupils are supported in developing strategies that not only provide personal protection, but also develop positive peer relationships
6. Preventing bullying is synonymous with promoting an ethos in which all pupils who attend the school value and respect each other

Other posts on Bullying: Signs That a Child May Be Bullied, How Did This Happen?, Your Feelings as a Parent, How to Address Bullying, Step 1, How to Address Bullying, Step 2, How to Address Bullying, Step 3, How to Address Bullying, Step 4, Where To Now?

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When clients are focused on changing the negative aspects (or problems) in their lives, positive changes can often be overlooked, minimized or discounted due to the ongoing presence of the problem.

The solution focused approach challenges counsellors to be attentive to positive changes (however small) that occur in their clients’ lives. Questions that presuppose change can be useful in assisting clients to recognise such changes.

Questions such as, “What’s different, or better since I saw you last time?” This question invites clients to consider the possibility that change (perhaps positive change) has recently occurred in their lives. If evidence of positive change is unavailable, counsellors can pursue a line of questioning that relates to the client’s ability to cope.

Questions such as:

1. “How come things aren’t worse for you?
2. What stopped total disaster from occurring?
3. How did you avoid falling apart?

These questions can be followed up by the counsellor positively affirming the client with regard to any action they took to cope. (Geldard & Geldard, 2005)

Learn more about the Solution Focused approach:

1. Overview
2. Demonstrative Video
3. Case Study

Related Resources: AIPC’s Five Therapies eBook, Five Therapies Index.

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Burnout is a syndrome which occurs due to prolonged emotional strain of dealing extensively with other human beings, particularly in helper and recipient relationships. Burnout is categorized as a type of stress. Unlike normal workplace stress which predominately affects individuals physically, burnout affects individuals emotionally. 

The term burnout was introduced in the 1970’s, and although the word is widely known, the impact of burnout is often misunderstood. Burnout can be a complex and disabling condition, far more serious than feeling tired after a long week at work. Although any profession at any level can be affected by burnout, there is an increased need for individuals working in the counselling, nursing and teaching fields to fully understand the symptoms of burnout, and more importantly, adopt preventative measures. 

Over the years the definition of burnout has changed and expanded to include a number of key components.  Below is a summary of a number of different perspectives of burnout:

1. A disease of over commitment:  This suggests that burnout is the state of emotional exhaustion related to overload.
2. Changes in motivation: A psychological withdrawal from work in response to excessive stress or dissatisfaction.
3. Alienation:  The extent to which a worker has become separated or withdrawn from the original meaning or purpose of work.

Other definitions also include attitude and behavioural changes in response to workplace demands and a tendency to treat clients in a detached, mechanical fashion.

These descriptions are all valid when describing burnout, and regardless of the preferred definition, burnout affects the individual emotionally, impacting on both the quality and satisfaction of their work.

Burnout Prevention

“If an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, then the best way to beat burnout is to keep it from happening in the first place. In other words, take action before burnout appears rather than afterward. Instead of suffering through the costs of caring and then trying to recover from them, it makes more sense to try to eliminate them. The costs may be too high ever to overcome, thus, it is wiser to avoid them altogether.” (Maslach, The Cost of Caring: p. 216)

Not all strategies require large amounts of planning and change. In fact introducing good work routines early in one’s career can significantly reduce the likelihood of burnout. These include:

Source: Personnel Today

1. Keep expectations realistic
2. Reduce your workload
3. Relax at work
4. Take allocated lunch breaks
5. Consider a career break
6. Develop and maintain interests outside of work
7. Use your full holiday entitlement
8. Recognise your own responses to workplace issues

Burnout and its impact on counsellors, clients and organizations needs to an objective and highlighted subject in contemporary workplaces, with prevention a responsibility of both individuals and organizations.

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If not the most important feature of professional counselling, “respect for the client” is definitely high up on the priority list. Geldard and Geldard (2005) explain that regardless of who the client is, and regardless of their behaviour, the client has come to the counsellor for assistance and deserves to be treated as a person of worth and value.

Many counsellors believe that there is good in each of us, and for the potential of that to surface, individuals need to feel appreciated and valued. Counsellors therefore have a responsibility to assist clients to feel good about themselves, and to increase the client’s sense of self-worth.

Values and Beliefs

It is not respectful to impose personal beliefs and values upon clients. It is the counsellor’s role to accept the client for who they are and where they currently are in their life. Geldard and Geldard (2005) emphasise that when a counsellor’s values are imposed on an individual, they tend to react by rejecting those values without consideration and withdrawing from counselling.

An involuntary client, who is unable to physically withdraw from counselling, may withdraw emotionally, and become unmotivated to accept the counsellor’s suggestions. Imposing one’s values upon the client is indicative of judgement. Paradoxically, when therapists accept the client for the person they are regardless of their values, over time, the client’s values tend to grow closer to the values of the counsellor, as counsellors do become role models for their clients.

Language

Appropriate use of language is essential, to showing the client respect, (Brems, 2001). Many counsellors work with clients whose colourful language is simply a part of their vocabulary. Some individuals who have been raised in households where swearing is an acceptable part of everyday language, yet others find it abrasive or disrespectful.

It is imperative that counsellors are always aware of the language they use and its aptness in relation to the context and the client. The case study below outlines the need for appropriateness when communicating with clients: 

“Joanne, who worked as a counsellor for a prestigious counselling organisation, would always present at work immaculately. She took pride in her appearance and always pursued a professional image.

Joanne would always read through her client case notes to remind herself of the content of the previous appointment, prepare a clean glass of water for the next client and organise any handouts or relevant material required for the next appointment.

Joanne also volunteered some nights for a community organisation that worked with ’street kids’. She felt that this work was most rewarding to her in that she gained satisfaction seeing the changes brought about in the kids due to the community organisation’s policies of supporting young people. They learnt to examine their lives and make goals, and then were encouraged to return to their education or find apprenticeships.

Joanne enjoyed the company of the kids, the stories they would tell of their adventures during the day and minor brushes with the law. These stories were told in a jovial manner with much enthusiasm and colourful language. Joanne would often use the same colourful language to breakdown barriers and help to put the relationships on a more equal basis.

While preparing the paperwork for her 10:00 am client, Joanne reminisced about her work the previous night. She was pleased a young 16 year old adolescent was beginning his apprenticeship next week, and remembered how he playfully boasted about his future and dreams to one day own his own car repair company.

When Joanne’s 10:00 am client arrived early and was mistakenly shown into her office by the receptionist, Joanne had not been able to gather her thoughts. For the first few minutes of the counselling session, Joanne spoke to the formal Ms Cartwright as if she were back with her adolescent clients, asking Ms Cartwright, “How the *&^&^^ was she?” And “What the *&^%% had she accomplished since their last appointment”?

Seeing the shocked look on Ms Cartwrights face, Joanne immediately realised her mistake and profusely apologised.”

Pace

Brem (2001) explains that counsellors must practice patience and accommodate a client’s pace in counselling. Some clients will come to counselling unsure of what they want to say. When this happens, clients can take an extended length of time to choose the word that best describes their situation or feeling.

This is when the counsellor must sit quietly with the client and simply be present. It would be inappropriate to complete client sentences for them, try to rush them or use some other behavioural cue to encourage the client to move along quicker with their story.

Relationship Limitations

Each individual has particular boundaries to protect their privacy as an individual. They can shift and change depending upon the situation or with whom we are interacting at the time.

For example, when beginning a new job, our interactions with our colleagues mostly focus on our previous work experience, as we become more familiar with our environment we reveal more personal information about ourselves, such as our families, hobbies and week-end activities. Not until relationships have proven the test of time, do we begin to trust our colleagues to speak about personal or family problems. It is the opposite in a client-counsellor relationship.

The client-counsellor relationship is unique because it begins with the client entering into counselling with the expectation that they will find a safe environment where their interests are given the utmost consideration by the counsellor; where they can find assistance to work through their problems and trust their counsellor to have their best interests at heart.

The client-counsellor relationship is not an equal relationship. Geldard & Geldard (2005) explain that regardless of how much effort a counsellor puts into making the relationship equal, the counsellor will inevitably be in a position of power and influence.

Clients are often highly emotional when they visit a counsellor, and are therefore vulnerable. The way in which a counsellor relates with a client is uncharacteristic of human behaviour (Geldard & Geldard, 2005). As the counsellor devotes most of their energy to listening to and understanding the client, the client will only see a part of the counsellor’s character, and under these circumstances, a client could perceive the counsellor to be unrealistically caring and giving.

Hence, the counsellor’s power and the client’s biased perception combine to make the client very vulnerable to offers of friendship. Conversely, the counsellor is also vulnerable in the counselling relationship.

Inevitably the relationship can develop real closeness as the client shares their innermost and personal thoughts. While counsellors learn to be compassionate and empathic, their unique client-counsellor relationship can become closer than is appropriate for the professional relationship.

Counsellor’s Responsibility

The counsellor may often experience conflicting responsibilities toward their client, the agency that employs them and to the community. A counsellor who is in any doubt where their responsibilities lie must consult with their supervisor.

Of utmost importance is the responsibility the counsellor has to address a client’s request for counselling assistance. There is always an implied contract of confidentiality between client and counsellor unless the counsellor informs the client that it does not exist.

While counsellors must always be aware of their ethical and legal responsibilities to their clients, first and foremost they have a responsibility to their employer, to ensure that all the work carried out while employed by that organisation fulfils the requirements of the organisation or institution first. If the counsellor feels that there is a conflict of interest, they must speak with their supervisor or approach management to discuss the issue.

Counsellors must be aware, at all times, of their responsibility to the community and this may clash with the confidentiality status of the client. Counsellors must report to the appropriate authorities if they believe their client or a member of the community is at immediate risk of harm.

These responsibilities can cause conflict for the counsellor who may wish to be loyal to their client. Often these decisions are not black and white, but many shades of grey and it can be difficult for the counsellor to serve the needs of the community and the client. The counsellor must speak with their supervisor if there is any doubt.

Reference List

1. Brems, C. (2001) Basic skills in psychotherapy and counselling. CA: Wadsworth/Thomson Learning.
2. Geldard, D., & Geldard, K. (2005) Basic personal counselling: A training manual for counsellors. NSW, Australia: Pearson Education.

Source: www.aipc.net.au/articles

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