The very basis of socially acceptable behaviour is clear communication from parents. Often parents will simply call out in a stern voice: “Jane” and expect the child to understand this command. But Jane could be shoving cake in her mouth with both hands while watching TV.

So which behaviour is her parent referring too? Depending upon Jane’s age, she could be genuinely confused about why her mother is saying her name in an obviously negative manner. Children must learn (through experience and example) what is right and wrong, socially accepted or not. It is the responsibility of the parent to instruct the child in these finer points of etiquette.

Parenting does not have to involve complicated psychological strategies. Behaviour Modification is best kept simple, however, timing is crucial. Parents can become confused and find that they reward the negative behaviour and punish the positive behaviour.

Often when a child is watching TV quietly or working away at a game or hobby the parent will use this time to rush around and clean the house; effectively ignoring the child. Then when the child is displaying negative behaviour, they will call out to the child or go to the child and in some way give the child attention and hence positively reinforce that negative behaviour. To reduce the confusion between positive and negative behaviour, let’s examine these more closely.

Operant Conditioning: Positive and Negative Reinforcement

An easy way to remember these is: Reinforcement is increasing a desired behaviour, (Bukato et al., 2001). Positive reinforcement is increasing behaviour by adding to it. Negative reinforcement is increasing behaviour by taking something aversive away.

Hence, rewarding a child’s behaviour by giving them something, a smile, hug or gold star is positive reinforcement. If Sally plays quietly with her toys, a hug from her Mum is a positive reinforcement.

Alternatively, if Sally was to throw her toys at the TV and her mother takes away the toys or gives Sally five minutes Time Out in the bathroom, this is negative punishment. If John does his homework before 7:00pm and he doesn’t have to wash the dishes, this would be considered negative reinforcement.

Often, parents find themselves rewarding a negative behaviour. For example if a child cannot sleep at night and cries, parents will often go to the child and hold, cuddle and rock them back to sleep. This behaviour is exemplary when the child has a sleep disturbance.

Often, however, because the child enjoys being hugged, cuddled and rocked, they will learn that by crying during the night they will receive this attention. So a habit can form where the child has learnt to wake during the night to enjoy their hugs and cuddles, and parents have inadvertently positively reinforced this behaviour.

Observational learning: Children can learn behaviours through the observation of others, when this occurs it is called imitation (Carlson et al., 2007). Parents need to be aware that they must model for their children the behaviours they want their children to adopt.

Time Out (and other simple Behaviour Modification Strategies)

For minor negative behaviours such as whining or when a child is just grumpy, it can be effective for parents to simply ignore this behaviour. It’s known as, “Ignoring Inappropriate Behaviour”. The child receives no attention for this behaviour, in fact all attention (looking at the child, the parent may turn their head away) is withdrawn. These minor negative behaviours normally decrease due to that lack of attention received.

Be sure to give the child clear, succinct commands and always reward the child with verbal praise or a quick hug to illustrate that by following your instructions you, as the parent, are happy.

Do not give long explanations; the child can become confused especially with young children whose attention spans are not particularly long. Time out is a technique of removing the child from the situation and taking them to a neutral area.

This is particularly useful when children have temper tantrums, are fighting, or partaking in a behaviour that could cause harm to themselves (Bukato et al., 2001). It is usually suggested that Time Out last one minute for each year of the child’s age. For example, two minutes in time out if the child is two years old, three minutes in time out if the child is three years old.

Always place the child in a neutral place such as the bathroom, so that they can sit quietly for the time. To place a child in their bedroom could be a reward because they can then play with their toys while waiting for their parents. Don’t leave the child in the bathroom for any longer than the allotted two or three or four minutes.

Parents Talking with Children

It can often be difficult for parents to find the time to have an in-depth talk with their children when so many demands are made upon an individual’s time.

However, quality time is essential to nurture positive relationships with your children and making the opportunities for them to speak with you about their day. For example some parents take advantage of the times when they are stationary, such as when they are peeling the vegetables, preparing a meal or doing the ironing. They invite their child or children to sit at the bench or table to speak with them while they are at the kitchen sink.

Basic communication skills such as active listening, using encouragers and asking open ended questions will encourage children to talk and open up about their day. Actively listening to another individual shows that we are interested in what they have to say and it indicates that they are important to us. For children, there is nothing more important than to feel important to their parents; it reinforces a sense of self worth, which increases self-esteem.

This reflects the Authoritative Parenting style, where parents treat their children with respect, ask and don’t demand, and take an interest in what their children do and like. Parents also need to be aware of their own body language when speaking with their children.

Parents can sometimes forget that they do tower over their children, and the child often has to look up to communicate with their parent. This is considered a submissive position to be in.

To overcome the physical barriers to parent/child communication, parents may need to be more aware of the tone of their voice and facial expressions, also consider whether it is sometimes better to bend down to speak to the child or continue standing.

Enjoying Your Children

Sometimes parents can become entrenched in responsibility and forget that it is equally important to have fun with their children.

Quality time is about enjoying time with a loved one or someone important to you. Quality time does not have to be serious time, or sitting together time; it can be playing a game in the backyard, going to watch a movie together and then talking about every good or bad aspect of the movie afterwards. Quality time is spending time together and it should be fun and enjoyable.

Examples of fun can be anything that the parent/s and child/ren enjoy doing together. It could be camping, partaking in a hobby together, and flying paper planes together; whatever the family enjoys doing together.

To understand what fun is, or to decide what “having fun” means to the family, a family discussion could take place, where questions can be asked such as: what does fun mean to you; how do you know when you are having fun; how do you feel when you are having fun; What barriers stop you from having fun?

References

1. Bukato, D., & Daehler, M. W., (2001). Child development: A thematic approach. New York: Houghton Mifflin Company.
2. Carlson, N., Heth, C., Miller, H., Donahoe, J., Buskist, W., & Martin, G. (2007). Psychology: The science of behaviour. USA: Pearson Education Inc.

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Nichols, P., Schwartz, R. (2006). Family Therapy - Concepts and Methods (7th Edition). USA: Pearson Education Inc. 497 pages. ISBN: 0-205-47809-3

In this volume Mike Nichols and Dick Schwartz tell the story of family therapy – and tell it very well. It’s hard to imagine a more readable and informative guide to the field.

So states noted family therapist Dr. Salvador Minuchin in the opening paragraph of his foreword to this book.

The authors state that this seventh edition has a number of changes to bring the theoretical information right up to date and also has an increased emphasis on practical issues with more case studies. They have studied a number of leading practitioners, visiting them and sitting in on actual sessions.

Part One starts with the foundations and evolution of family therapy and introduces some of its more notable practitioners, including Palo Alto, Murray Bowen, Carl Whittaker and Minuchin. The work of these and other family therapists is covered in greater detail in later chapters of the book.

The last two chapters in Part One deal with the early models and basic techniques of family therapy, looking at group process and communications analysis and the fundamental concepts such as systems theory, social constructionism and attachment theory.

Part Two concentrates on the classic schools of family therapy and AIPC Diploma graduates will be familiar with some of the theories discussed. The chapters on Bowenian family systems therapy, strategic, structured and experiential therapies and psychodynamic and cognitive behaviour family therapy will provide both student and practising counsellors with a wealth of further information on these topics together with easy to read case studies giving a practical demonstration of specific therapeutic strategies.

Part Three starts by looking at family therapy in the 21st century and its application to multicultural, single parent and gay and lesbian families, continuing with a chapter each on solution focused therapy, narrative therapy and integrative models.

Part Four evaluates family therapy through comparative analysis and research, looking at how this approach might be used for a range of issues including depression, substance abuse, schizophrenia and eating disorders.

Each chapter of the book ends with a useful concise summary, a list of recommended further readings and a comprehensive reference list. The volume concludes with an excellent glossary and name and subject index.

The authors write in an accessible and readable style and the layout makes it easy to dip into and to find particular topics.

For anyone preparing to work with families, the book would provide a sound introduction to the wide range of issues and the variety of techniques applicable to this form of therapy. Following the recommended reading list and seeking out the referenced works would greatly increase the knowledge and expertise gained.

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Dr. Clive Jones is the Institute’s Education Manager and largely responsible for the ongoing quality of AIPC training programs. His qualifications include a PhD in Psychology from the University of Southern Queensland in 1999, undergraduate and post-graduate degrees in Psychology and Education, and also a Diploma of Professional Counselling through AIPC.

Hi Clive! Thank you for joining us. To start this interview, can you explain a bit more about your role as the Education Manager at the Institute?

To put it in a mission statement, I see my role as quality-controlling the educational product of the Institute. Ultimately, I am succeeding in my mission if every aspect of the educational experience of our students is one of high quality.

Generally, this is achieved through ensuring that the educational experience of students enrolled in either the Diploma, Vocational Graduate qualifications and/or Bachelor Degree are world-class.

Practically, this is achieved through the hard work of a great national education team that currently stands at around 77 staff members across Australia and includes seminar/workshop presenters, lecturers, private assessors and tutors, workbook and assignment markers, course and program writers, online and phone-in education advisors and a range of other education staff based around Australia directly involved in helping to provide high quality education to our students.

I am doing a lot of hands-on writing for our new degree at the moment. So while I manage the broader educational-based processes of the Institute I am also a little more hands-on with the new degree program at this point in time.

This means working very closely with our degree lecturers in planning residential schools and practice placements for our students, along with writing a large part of the study materials for the degree as we introduce new subjects for the first time each semester for the next 3 years (between 2008-2010).

You are certainly involved in a lot of tasks! With variety being a prominent quality of your work, what would you nominate as the most exciting or rewarding aspect of your job?

It is exciting to play a part in helping students realise their ambitions of becoming a counsellor. I know it can sound a little corny but it is really very exciting to be involved in helping to ensure that Australia’s largest provider of counsellor education is of the highest standard possible in the educational experience offered to students.

I am very passionate about the counselling profession as a practitioner, academic and educator. So it’s great to be involved with a team of professionals who share my passion in this. 

Counselling has grown considerably in the past, and the current demand for counsellors continues to increase across the country. In your opinion, how does this growth affect the broad delivery of mental health support?

I’ll answer this question from a broad industry perspective. Unfortunately, while the theories and skills of counselling are at the heart of any authentic and credible form of mental health care, there has been a political wrestle between different mental health associations over the ownership of counselling and psychotherapy as a professional entity.

What this political wrestle ignores is that whether someone is a social worker, psychologist, counsellor, occupational therapist, or any other allied professional dealing with mental health issues, all use the same skills and knowledge found within counselling and psychotherapy to work effectively with clients. While each professional mental health care body has a political bandwagon to push, in reality there is no one professional body that holds any special or unique solution to deal with mental health issues. 

Ultimately what this means is that whether a psychologist, social worker or counsellor, all of these professions are far more similar than different and all draw from the very same pool of counselling and psychotherapeutic knowledge, theory and strategy of approach when being trained to deal with mental health issues.

However, rather than connecting in, working together and acknowledging the common ground of training and skill mix that psychologists, social workers, counsellors and other mental health care service professionals have, there is an uncooperative jostling for recognition between each professional group to be seen as the most relevant and appropriate professional entity for optimum health care. 

This is very unfortunate because it means that there are biases that develop in the system from an air of competitiveness rather than a more balanced approach from a spirit of cooperation. Ultimately this means, rather than working together in the commonality of knowledge and skill mix to help in bettering the mental health and wellbeing of the nation, there is a competitiveness that results in some professional associations emulating a sense of elitism.  

Understanding the difficulties associated with this political mindfield, Counselling in Australia is stepping up to the plate well with the goal of confirming its place as a major body of mental health care professionals.

The Australian Counseling Association (ACA) and the Psychotherapy and Counseling Federation of Australia (PACFA) are two organisations that are in the engine room of developments in this area.

Speaking up for the future of counselling as a unique profession, they are working to forge a shared place with other mental health care professionals in being acknowledged as key stakeholders in the domain of mental health care provision. 

You have extensive experience working as a Life Coach, particularly with high performance elite sport athletes. Your portfolio includes a spiel in the World Triathlon Championships in France as an athlete, and over 10 years of experience in providing services to athletes, coaches and their families. How much benefit do you think coaching skills and strategies can offer to Counselling practice? 

Coaching skills are about encouraging the client to reach their optimum potential. It’s about helping them find ways to develop into the person they are meant to be and made to be.

Paraphrasing the words of Fritz Perls, “an eagle doesn’t ever want to be an elephant and an elephant never wants to be an eagle!” They are at their best when they choose to be who they are meant to be and live their life in the full context of who they are meant to be. It would be a sad state of affairs for the elephant if he tried to fly over mountain tops (haha). 

It’s this goal of discovering self and making choices in the context of self discovery and self development that the areas of coaching and counselling cross over very specifically. Both coaching and counselling are about helping the client discover who they really are, what they would like to get out of life and how they really need to go about making it happen in a way that is personally fulfilling and mutually enriching in the context of close relationships.

So many clients will finish up their counselling and coaching journeys in the same place, with a better understanding of who they are, what they want out of life and how they need to go about making it happen in a healthy and constructive way. So without any doubt there are many coaching skills that can be directly applied to the counselling process effectively.

Click here to learn more about Clive, or visit our Support Team category.

Click here to watch Clive’s video overview of the Institute’s Diploma of Professional Counselling.

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Below is a suggested 5-point plan for your income. Keep in mind that each person has particular circumstances and as such, this plan should be tailored to your specific needs: 

1. DEBT REDUCTION - A contribution of at least 10% of your gross income systematically reduces your income every month. This one step will have you completely debt free in 3-7 years (including your house and your cars).
2. INVESTMENT PLAN - An investment of at least 10% of your gross income systematically increases your wealth every month. (Many people say they don’t even know this money is gone!)
3. CHARITABLE GIVING - A contribution of at least 10% of your gross income (tithing) is part of the responsibility and reciprocity associated with creating and being a good steward of wealth (and it’s wonderful for your soul!).
4. DEBT AVOIDANCE STRATEGIES - Live by such strategies as only paying cash and maintaining tough restrictions on the use of credit cards.
5. SPENDING THE REST - 70% of your income should be enough to give you a wonderful, joy-filled life while still being able to fulfil all your commitments and save for your future.

In Summary:  it truly IS just that simple - learn to live on 70% of what you make and you will be debt free in 3-7 years and on your way to becoming rich. What you do with the other 30% will make it so: 10% for your Investment Plan, 10% for your Debt Reduction, and 10% Charitable Giving.

One more suggestion – start NOW!

“A man who both spends and saves money is the happiest man, because he has both enjoyments.” Samuel Johnson

Did you enjoy this series? Then forward it to your friends and colleagues. You can either email them directly or use our referral box, located on the right-side column of this Blog. And don’t forget to leave your comments too. Thank you!

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The other major key to staying ahead in your finances is saving. You need savings to keep you from sliding back into debt.

Think about it: you’re moving along, paying off your credit cards and making terrific progress. And your cat gets a nasty double ear infection. Between trips to the vet and expensive medications, this ends up costing you close to $200. Where is that money going to come from?

Unless you a reasonable amount of savings, you are probably going to put it on your credit card. Although you now know enough to put it on your lowest rate credit card, that purchase is going to set you back and impede your progress and it’s going to make you feel rotten. That’s why you need savings.

Turn Protection into Profit

1. As you start to pay off your debts, siphon off a chunk of money each month—3–5% is a good start but aim for 10%—and put it into a higher interest savings account.
2. Find the highest paying money market account you can find—until you’ve got a substantial emergency cushion equivalent to 3 to 6 months salary. That’s your protection. If you get retrenched, if the dog gets ill, if your transmission dies, you’ll be able to live and pay your bills without sliding back.
3. Once you’ve got your emergency cushion, you can start investing that money in a portfolio of shares and mutual funds that can help you build a real foundation of wealth for your future.

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