A Client Who Tells Offensive Jokes
You have a client of the opposite sex who is coming to see you weekly about problems with family and social relationships. He/she has been attending sessions with you for two months and seems likely to be a long-term client. Although initially very quiet and reluctant to discuss issues, you have succeeded in gaining his/her confidence.
The sessions are proceeding well, but as the client is leaving each week he/she always tells you a couple of jokes of a kind which you find offensive. While not wanting to upset the client you are finding this situation increasingly uncomfortable.
How would you deal with this dilemma?
August 8th, 2008 at 8:51 am
I would tell the client that his/her jokes are offensive to me and that these sorts of things can often become barriers to having successful social relationships, whether they are professional or otherwise. Considering that this client is having problems with social and family relationships, it would be beneficial for him to hear this, as it would make him think about his behaviour when in the company of others.
“X, you know how we have been talking about what kinds of things can be barriers to you having successful social relationships with others and family members? Well, these jokes that you tell are actually quite offensive to me, and I would prefer it if you didn’t tell them to me. This is an example of the kind of behaviour that can become a barrier to having meaningful relationships with others. Our sessions have been making some great progress, however I do feel uncomfortable when you share these inappropriate jokes with me afterwards.”
I would imagine that the client would respond positively to this, as I am not just confronting him about his behaviour without showing him the benefits of changing the offensive behaviour.
August 8th, 2008 at 8:51 am
Action: At the conclusion of the next session I would pre-empt the client getting ready to tell another joke and politely inform her that I would prefer that she refrain from sharing jokes that are in anyway discriminatory, have sexual insinuations, and/or are degrading to gender, race or culture whilst she is a client of mine.
However, I would still be open to any jokes that could be repeated in mixed company or at the dinner table with young children.
Support: Consult with my supervisor and/or colleague and ensure it is on record in both client notes and the meeting with supervisor/colleague that I requested support and that I had advised the client to refrain before hearing another offensive joke.
Code of Conduct and Ethics: According to one code of conduct – Australian Counselling Association: code 2.5.1 “Counsellors are responsible for setting and monitoring boundaries throughout the counselling sessions and will make explicit to clients that counselling is a formal and contracted relationship and nothing else” (dated from 15/4/2005)
November 11th, 2008 at 10:19 pm
I would explain that if the other person is not laughing it is not funny.
Not a counsellor yet but I would ask what effect is he/she trying to get from telling the jokes. A feeling of what? A defense mechanism? To divert conversation? A nervous habit when feeling uncomfortable? To appear funny and amusing and deflect away from real feelings?