Comments on: Coping with Infidelity http://www.counsellingconnection.com/index.php/2007/08/01/coping-with-infidelity/ Training and content in counselling and life effectiveness Mon, 16 Jan 2012 11:28:42 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Alexander D. http://www.counsellingconnection.com/index.php/2007/08/01/coping-with-infidelity/#comment-364 Alexander D. Sun, 05 Aug 2007 03:33:42 +0000 http://www.counsellingconnection.com/index.php/2007/08/01/coping-with-infidelity/#comment-364 If we are not aware of our partner's emotional and mental state, then how can we determine how we should feel in response to an incident where they had an affair? Infidelity in any form could originate from mistrust, loss of connection or a misalignment of values with your significant other. Each of these factors signifies a lack of empathy and common ground in a relationship. Hence, the events that led to an affair can sometimes be more important than the affair itself. If one partner is more worried that their significant other will cheat than whether their partner empathizes with the viewpoint and values shared in the relationship then this in itself is a cause for greater concern. If both partners in the relationship are aware of each other's emotional and mental state then they are more able to anticipate each other's behavior. As such, if one of the partners in the relationship did cheat, it would make the process of moving past the affair more possible. Based on this, I would define an unfaithful relationship where both partners have a different view on how a relationship should function, infidelity arises where there is a mutual lack of empathy for those views. If the partners have a healthy relationship prior to a spontaneous act of infidelity then their potential to recuperate from the event is greater. On the other hand, an unhealthy relationship even where there is no affair already signifies infidelity on one level. For example, a husband may worry about his wife cheating constantly thus creating the infidelity [in his mind] even where there is none in reality. Ultimately, our partner can hurt us in many ways irrespective of how we define infidelity to them. The most important factor however, is whether we are able to move past those hurts and grow together in the relationship, or decide that the relationship is not right for us and that it is time to move on. If we are not aware of our partner’s emotional and mental state, then how can we determine how we should feel in response to an incident where they had an affair? Infidelity in any form could originate from mistrust, loss of connection or a misalignment of values with your significant other. Each of these factors signifies a lack of empathy and common ground in a relationship. Hence, the events that led to an affair can sometimes be more important than the affair itself.

If one partner is more worried that their significant other will cheat than whether their partner empathizes with the viewpoint and values shared in the relationship then this in itself is a cause for greater concern. If both partners in the relationship are aware of each other’s emotional and mental state then they are more able to anticipate each other’s behavior. As such, if one of the partners in the relationship did cheat, it would make the process of moving past the affair more possible.

Based on this, I would define an unfaithful relationship where both partners have a different view on how a relationship should function, infidelity arises where there is a mutual lack of empathy for those views. If the partners have a healthy relationship prior to a spontaneous act of infidelity then their potential to recuperate from the event is greater. On the other hand, an unhealthy relationship even where there is no affair already signifies infidelity on one level. For example, a husband may worry about his wife cheating constantly thus creating the infidelity [in his mind] even where there is none in reality.

Ultimately, our partner can hurt us in many ways irrespective of how we define infidelity to them. The most important factor however, is whether we are able to move past those hurts and grow together in the relationship, or decide that the relationship is not right for us and that it is time to move on.

]]> By: Editor http://www.counsellingconnection.com/index.php/2007/08/01/coping-with-infidelity/#comment-363 Editor Sat, 04 Aug 2007 05:20:37 +0000 http://www.counsellingconnection.com/index.php/2007/08/01/coping-with-infidelity/#comment-363 "People Magazine asked readers to define an extra-marital affair, with this result. 21% thinking about an involvement 21% dinner and drinks 24% kissing and petting 26% sexual intercourse 8% n/a" Do you agree with the results? How would YOU define infidelity? “People Magazine asked readers to define an extra-marital affair, with this result.

21% thinking about an involvement
21% dinner and drinks
24% kissing and petting
26% sexual intercourse
8% n/a”

Do you agree with the results? How would YOU define infidelity?

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